The human mind is truly the scariest thing of all. Just think about it; everyone has a mind, but we’re all different. Some people have a “normal” mind, and some people may have mental illnesses, but regardless it’s the same brain. People get diagnosed with mental illnesses often, and in this era, it’s not uncommon for people to talk about their issues and how they are getting help. It’s the people who aren’t diagnosed who worry me. The people who are silently struggling with depression, anxiety, or even violent thoughts; those are the people who scare me. I’m sure we all know someone who is “perfect,” someone who can do no wrong in the eyes of others. Those people who just seem a little too happy to be living in the same world as everyone else. Let’s take a closer look at one of these “perfect” people.
Riley was a sweet, bubbly girl. Everyone who met her loved her. She had everything a person could want decent grades, a large social circle, and talent in both singing and art. What people didn’t know was that when Riley went home she wasn’t anything like the girl at school. She hid behind fake smiles and bright-colored clothes. Riley was diagnosed with depression in the 8th grade; she took medicine for a while, but her mother told her she didn’t need it anymore and stopped paying for it. Riley suffered in silence, not wanting to upset her mother who always seemed to be in a bad mood, but also not wanting to ruin her image at school. She felt lonely despite the people surrounding her at lunch and the smiles she shared with others in the halls. But she kept it all to herself, her mind telling her that no one would care if she spoke up anyway. Her mind told her these people were pretending to care, but none actually did. So instead of talking to anyone about her feelings, she continued to mask them at school, only letting herself show how she truly felt when she was alone in her room.
It’s sad, isn’t it? To see into the mind of a “golden” student? Is it making you second guess how the people around you feel? Are you thinking about someone and wondering if they feel the way Riley does? Good. That’s the point of this. To show you that no matter what you see on the surface, there is always something hidden underneath. Now let’s shift to another type of student. The “intelligent” student, you know what I’m talking about. The student who just seems way too smart to be in high school. The student who is constantly “ruining” the curve on exams, the student who always has an A no matter what subject it is. Let’s take a closer look at the mind of one of these “geniuses.”
Sam was your stereotypical “smart” kid. He always made good grades. Even when the entire class failed an exam, Sam would always manage to pass it. He prided himself on his ACT score, he celebrated when he made a 30, he was ecstatic. What people don’t see is how much pain being labeled as the “smart” kid had brought him. He was constantly picked on by other students, but he had gotten used to that by now. No, what was the worst of it was the loneliness, he didn’t have any real friends. People only ever talked to him to get homework answers or to try and cheat on tests. He rarely spoke to people outside of school, and once again, when he did it was usually for answers. He hated how when an exam was over, and the teacher would announce that there was no curve because someone made a 100, all eyes looked at him. It’s not like he intentionally “ruined” the curve, it’s not like he wanted to be hated by his classmates. The reason Sam was so smart now was the anxiety that threatened to eat him alive every time he had to show his parents a bad grade in middle school. While Sam was happy being an average student, his parents were not; they refused to let their son be anything beneath a perfect student. His parents molded him into what they wanted; he had little to no free will. He wanted to be normal, to hang out with friends, but he would rather be an outcast than feel that awful, crawling anxiety when he brought home bad grades. He hated it, he hated it so much, but there was nothing he could do. It was either be hated by his class or be a disappointment to his parents. The anxiety he felt was always present, and he could never shake it no matter how hard he tried. He was stuck and stagnant; he felt hopeless, but he was just the “smart” kid right, why should anyone care?
Are you thinking again? About someone else? Good. As I said, that’s the point. I want you to think about any time you’ve blamed the “smart” kid for something. I’ll be honest I want you to feel bad, for judging, judging without knowing anything other than this kid was good at a subject. Maybe you’ll think twice before doing it again. Or not, it’s not like most of you will remember this story after I’m done speaking. But it’s fine, it’s whatever, I don’t care, it’s not like I’m a real person anyway, just words on a page. Enough about me. Let’s move on to the next student. That one kid who always seems to be getting into fights. The “delinquent” who makes awful grades and skips class. Just picture them in your mind while we take a closer look into theirs.
“He wasn’t always like this,” “I don’t know what’s gotten into him recently,” these are sentences that Lance’s mother said often. Lance was called a “troubled student” by his teachers, he would constantly act out in class, causing disruptions by saying dumb things, making fun of other students, or getting into physical fights. His mother was kind, but under a lot of stress, every time she got a call about him getting into another fight she cried. You may not realize that Lance isn’t intentionally causing harm, he hates when his mother cries, but it was like his instinct to get physical when things got to be too much. He acted out for attention, he tried being a good student at one point, but after trying and failing without his teachers even trying to help him he gave up. It was easier to be the kid everyone was scared of, it was easier to put up walls and pretend he was fine. Even if he wanted to change and be a “good” student again he didn’t have that luxury anymore. Every year, every class, every teacher, they already thought of him as a problem from day one. His teachers from the years before telling his new teacher to “watch out for that one,” what was the point in trying if they already thought he was a bad person? So Lance just kept doing what he knew how to do: fight. Even if he wanted friends people were too scared of him to actually try to be his friends, so Lance just did his best to survive, maybe after school was done he’d change, but who knows, violence was in his blood at this point, it was survival.
Imagine being that lonely. It must be hard. I’m sure you’ve either associated someone with one of these people or have personally related to them. I could never do that though. Like I said I’m just words on a page, it’s not like I have feelings. I don’t care what you think of this story. It won’t make me sad or angry if you don’t like it. It won’t make me happy if you enjoy it. I’m not real, I’m not real, I’m not real. If this story made you feel a certain way then great, if it didn’t then I don’t care. I’m not real. Maybe you’ll treat people differently now, maybe better maybe worse, but I don’t care. I’m not real. I’m not real, and neither are the people I just told you about, it’s all made up, all just words written by some girl who thinks too much. I’m not real… right? Enough of that, maybe learned something, even if I am just words on a page, even if I’m not real, I still sort of hope you enjoyed taking a closer look with me today.